Learning Optimism

Every once in a while, these kids of ours throw us a bone.

We've come to accept it as fact that if Nora has a temper tantrum between breakfast and out-the-door (as has become somewhat commonplace...thank you, age four), we can count on a goodbye of the kicking-scratching-lunging-for-Mommy's-ankles variety. Those are awful. I never know quite how to handle them, you know? Tell her in your most laser-eyed glare that her behavior is not acceptable? Swat her bottom? Put her in time out and make William late to therapy, again? Walk out the door and make your lovely friends deal with a screaming child that isn't theirs at 7:40 am, and proceed to make them drag her two blocks to school? Hm. Don't know what I should do, but what I actually do is kind of all of the above. Sigh. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

It was recently that I discovered the note trick. I told her last week that I'd put a little note from Mommy in her pocket, and if she ever felt sad or angry, or like she really missed me, she could pull it out, and presto! She's got a little bit of Mommy in her hands. And if she doesn't feel bad? Well, then she's got a little bit of Mommy in her pocket all day.

She ate it up, absolutely. We're writing notes and stuffing them in her pockets and backpack every day, and they're evolving into pictures of hearts, smiles, and flowers. My mom suggested that I turn it around on her--Nora, I felt really sad today without you with me. Can you write me a note so I have a little bit of Nora in my pocket tomorrow? So we worked on Mommy's note yesterday. Nora wrote "MOM" all by herself and drew her own smiley face. It may well end up laminated because it's that awesome.

Anyway, after her morning tantrum (dealt with beautifully by Daddy, btw), I showed her her note, and I showed her where I was keeping mine. Now we can be together all day. Flip! She was a new girl.

On our way up the steps to our friends' house, where we drop her off in the mornings, she chattered endlessly about the sunshine and the orange-bellied bird she saw and the tulips that look like they're opening and the doorbell she was going to help me ring. My friend answered the door. "Woo!" she yelped. "It's cold out there this morning!"

"Yes," said Nora. "But the sun is shining!"

Touche, Nora. Touche.