Not Listening

It's funny. I used to look to Scripture for very specific answers to my very specific problems. And I'm not saying that the answers are never there. They always are. Let me explain.

Me: Okay, God. I'm stressed. I am hormonally out of control which has me teetering near depression again, I'm tired because William's not sleeping again, the kids are climbing the walls, I'm pretty sure my husband decides when he wakes up every day that he will either do everything right or everything wrong today, I have already spent 3/4 of our money for the month on things that don't seem frivolous to me (like car repairs), and I accidentally left a wet load of laundry in the machine for two days. I'm going to need you to make the whole world go away, please. Okay. Now I'm going to see what you have to say about that in the Bible.

Bible: Something about God's wrath.

Me: Okay, that didn't work. Let me try again.

Bible: Something about a wise man not sleeping with prostitutes.

Me: Seriously. Aren't you listening?

Bible: Something about praise. Other things about falling into pits, dogs throwing up, and not shaving beards.

Me: Now, see, that's just annoying. Don't you want to say anything about your faithfulness? Trials? Flying through the sky like a powerful bird of prey?

Bible: No.

Me: Crap.

It's true, I might be going to hell for this post. But my point is this: sometimes it doesn't matter. Sometimes, all our suffering, all our pain and confusion and "LISTEN TO ME!" that we arrogantly shout at the cosmos with a raised fist...it's not like He doesn't care, but as part of a big picture, sometimes it's just a drop in the bucket. In the ocean. What matters is that God is who He says He is. And guess who's the one not listening?

I probably don't matter as much as I think I do. Trick is being okay with that.