Isolated

Are other moms this bored and lonely? And hungry?

I'm tired of mommying. I mean, really, really sick of it and done. And I've been in a crappy mood since last Wednesday. I'm starting to feel bad for my kids.

How do you other moms do it? How do you keep from getting like that? I mean, I get breaks. I get about as many as we can afford and my husband can offer without needing something himself. I'm just so tired of this cycle. It's like a month of "hating this" followed by one really great week, then a bad month, then a good week...I mean, come on.

I know it's not a blog about autism anymore, but I feel so isolated because of it. It's so easy for other parents to make lunch for their kids, or to talk with other parents while they wait for their older kids to be dismissed from preschool. I've finally come to a place in my life at which I'm ready and actually longing to reach out to others and be proactive in having friends, and now I can't. Other parents can spontaneously call each other up and say, hey, let's have lunch at Applebee's with all the kids. Or, let's pack some PB&J sandwiches and go to the children's museum in Indy. They can get out of the freaking car at preschool pickup, for crying out loud. I have to sit there in the car looking like a snob because I won't get out and talk to anyone. I mean, I could get out, but then I'd be chasing William around because he's trying to get away from all the people and doesn't have any sense of danger around the street. So, I'm either looking like a snob or a neurotically over-protective parent.

And I hate that I'm doing this, but it makes me watch other parents with their two-year-olds, and I think, would we have been like that? What would William be doing right now if he didn't have this? I can't even picture him looking at me, his lower lip out, saying, "Mama, Nora won't share!" That's what he'd look like right now, you know? He'd have friends and fights with his sister and training underpants.

But in these morning hours, what we have is each other. Sometimes it's spent together, but mostly, it's him running in circles or collecting all his cars from around the house so he can line them up on the window sill in my bedroom.

This sucks. We're so lonely.