Treats and Life

I've had an epiphany.

What is a treat, and what is just your life?

I used to resent my husband, because he has his boys a few towns away, and they're important. He sees them every month or so. He has gaming events that he goes to, he has movies he wants to see and does.

I get treats and breaks. I used to think I got too many of them, and didn't understand why I wasn't ready to go back to life-as-normal when they were over. Shouldn't I be rested and refreshed? Why am I just ready for the next break?

Thing is, I think I'm lumping two categories together. Treats and life. Shopping--treat. Ice cream--treat. Inviting the girls over on a Friday night for a glass of wine and chocolate--life. Craft group--life. Buying a magazine or a book--treat. Reading it--life. Joining a group of people going to see a movie I've wanted to see for weeks--life. These things are not the same and it shouldn't be assumed that when I take a moment to read a book that I'm treating myself. That's unfair. Nobody but mothers are held to that standard, even if it is self-imposed.

I think I've uncovered something fairly big. What is it about being a mother that makes us do this? All of a sudden, things we used to do become secondary (to be expected), but then we go a step further with it and put them in a new category: "treat." Knitting at a friend's house over tea is not a treat. It's what you would do if you were a normal person and not a mother.

I gotta admit, I'm a little annoyed about this. I can't believe I've done this to myself. I can't believe we're subconsciously trained to think like this. It's completely unfair, and I refuse to do it any longer.

My children and my husband will always come first. That's it; they just always will. But when it's time to live my life, I will, and I will do it unapologetically.