2010

It's been a year now that I've been antidepressant-free.

Obvious Joke Time: If ever there were a year I maybe should've had some of that stuff on my nightstand...

Haha. Okay, that's done. Now we can talk about it for real.

I don't think I knew what I was getting myself into when I called 2010 a year for learning. That's exactly what it was. More in a "Monkey's Paw" sort of way, but yeah, it was that. For anyone who doesn't know what "The Monkey's Paw" is, it was this really dark story about a man who found a good luck charm sort of thing (a monkey's paw...which sounds gross, but was supposed to be like a rabbit's foot, I think) that was supposed to give him whatever he wished for. He wished for a million dollars, and the next morning his son was killed at work in a gruesome accident, and the settlement for the family was a million dollars. *shudder* Yeah. That sort of thing. So I called this my year of learning how to cope with life, and my son ended up with autism. Monkey's Paw.

That said, I definitely learned. I've become a completely different person in a very, very short amount of time. I've gone from fragile to scrappy, from overwhelmed to protective Mama Bear, and from worried to proactive. I've gone from feeling like I wanted to die to knowing I've never had more reason to live.

For those of you who have struggled or currently struggle with depression, I want you to know this: You can do it. You can rally. You don't have to beat depression today (although I know you'd really, really like to)...all you have to do is get your feet over the edge of the bed and put them on the floor.

I'm still doing that, you know. I have a lot fewer mornings of willing myself out of bed than I did a year ago, but it's like my "muscles" are stronger. You know when you've missed like a week at the gym, and then you hop back on the treadmill, or on the weights? UGH! You gotta fight your way through that workout, man. It sucks start to finish. That's how I feel on mornings I've stayed up too late the night before, or when George is dealing with a busy time at work and he's gone a lot. I just have to get back on the bandwagon: go to bed early. Remind myself the busy season is almost over and schedule a night with the girls. Force myself to take a shower and put some makeup on. Makeup always makes me feel a little better. :)

That said, I always said I knew this would be my struggle, but someday the fight would be a little easier.

That day is today.

And I'm claiming 2011 as my year of pleasant children, a happy and noneventful marriage, and chocolate without weight gain.