Strong

Out of the five days that have transpired this week, I've worked out on four of them, and every time at 6 am. Okay, so some of those times, my bed was particularly warm and cozy and it ended up being more like 6:30. But I did it! Yes!

I can feel my mood starting to come down a little from my recent high. I can tell because my workout doesn't have the same effect, with the endorphins. It could be that I was a little frustrated early in the week with having to wait for machines (and do the whole "I'm-not-really-waiting-for-your-machine-I really-did-want-to-do-chin-ups" thing). It could also be that I'm working out at a gym at an all-men's college, so there are very few women at the gym and they always swipe the new Women's Health magazines within a few days of their appearance, and I've been reading November's issue over and over on the elliptical for two weeks. Finding out how Kristin Bell got her "rockin' bod" is only interesting for so many days.

Since tomorrow I'm heading out to Mom and Dad's and I'll be working out at the gym there, I think I can endure the magazine shortage here for one more day. Things will be busy getting ready for the trip, so the likelihood of me crashing is lessened. I'll read Men's Health tomorrow. The gym in Mansfield has a great selection of magazines; that'll be helpful. Then maybe when I get home, I'll splurge on my very own issue of Women's Health. Ooooh. Or maybe Clean Eating. I love that mag.

Topic switch.

I would like suggestions from anyone on how a mother who is currently in somewhat of a fragile mental state can give her husband a break. I can see that he has periods during which life builds up, and I can see him slowing down for the figurative weight on his shoulders. He's carrying me, his job, our kids, and menial household chores. And I'm the one who gets breaks. In fact, he's often more proactive about making sure I get time for "me" than I am. How do I give him "him" time? Even ideas for little things I can do to make him feel special...all is appreciated. I'm usually pretty creative with stuff like this, but I'm in a rut. So you know, anything you've got.

I think the truth about how I feel about him right now is this: I feel really, really guilty for being so delicate. I'm not sure if I mentioned this earlier or not, but we found out we were pregnant with Nora, accidentally, less than a month and a half into our marriage, and neither of us was initially pleased with the news. I mean, we came around, of course, but the immediate reaction to the positive test was not, um, positive. So, literally, the entire time we've been married, I've been fragile, for lack of a better term. Before we were married, I was an in-love-with-life, fun, sexy, determined, roll-with-the-punches kind of chick, so I totally feel like I duped him. Many times, I convince myself that he thinks to himself that he would've made a run for it if he'd known what he was getting into before he did it.

So perhaps it's for selfish reasons I want to give him a break. You know, to make myself feel better. That's probably bad.

So, George, I know you're crazy busy right now and probably aren't reading this, but I want you to know that you are the breath of my life. You are purely the perfect man for me, and I adore you now and forever.

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Someday, after I get my magazine that talks about how someone else got their rockin' bod, I won't be so fragile anymore. I'll be purely the perfect woman for him, too, and stronger than he's ever known me.