Sweating

Tomorrow is my appointment with the Ohio counselor.

I'm a little nervous, actually. I feel like I've got so much crap to lay on the table, there's no way I can get it all out and get answers all in one session. Here's why I love my husband: when I told him that, he told me, to keep myself focused in the session, get a journal and write "PPD stuff" on the first page, then flip halfway through and write "Other crap." George? I love you for keeping it light. Mwah.

Anyway, I think it'll be good, once I'm done sweating and shivering. I do that when I get nervous, unfortunately. And actually, even more unfortunately, I get an unusually inappropriate case of the giggles. I'll have to remember to wear black. And also a mask.

I'm nervous about hearing again that my brain is "wired" this way. Some of you have asked why that's a problem for me, and I'll clear that up here. It's a different thing to be depressed for a short segment of your life, but to find out that this is probably something you'll deal with for the rest of it...wow. That's some big news, and I wasn't expecting it. The more I think about it, the more I'm afraid I'm going to hear it again. I have come to find out more and more information about how this actually runs in my family. I find out almost every couple weeks about someone else in my family who had it, and I found out about another one today, which utterly floored me. I'm starting to wonder if there's anyone left who hasn't had it.

I mean...this is starting to look not so good for me. Can I have a hug? Please? Even though I'm totally sweaty?