Even being sick is different after you have kids.
It used to be that you just called off work, or didn't show up to class, and hid under your covers until the yuckiness went away. Guilt-free. There may be the stress of what you'll be missing, what you'll have to make up for, but being in bed doesn't feel guilty. It feels good.
Now, this time, I have actually felt guilty for being sick. Why? Because I am a burden. My kids are concerned and have noticed that I'm not around as much. Nora keeps trying to make me feel better. She thinks that once I've eaten my soup, or taken my nap, that I'll be "all better now." Bless her.
I made my husband miss a full day of work, and my body picked the worst possible week to do it. If it had been last week, or next week, it totally would've been better. But, no. It had to be this week, when he probably would've had to stay late at the office anyway. Ugh. Just knowing that I'm making his week more stressful and not less so is a very difficult thing for me to live with.
I also see that I've pretty much missed two full days with my kids. And they don't get it. They don't know what's going on, really, and I feel bad that they have to miss me. Of course, if I were a mom who worked outside my home I'd have to deal with this daily, but I still feel like it's a bit different. It would be our routine and we'd have solutions in place. But as it stands, I'm home; I'm just upstairs. It's kind of like, Mommy's just upstairs; why won't she play with us? It just breaks my heart, and I do--I feel guilty. I shouldn't. But I do.
To be fair, I have done the best I can. I immediately knew yesterday morning that I couldn't do it by myself, and I told George without hesitation that I needed him to stay home. And then, this morning, when I realized I wasn't better, I called a babysitter who the kids love and had her handle the morning. So, while I'm down, they've had attention either from a parent or a beloved sitter. So they're probably fine. Why do I feel so bad, then, that they miss me?
Stupid flu. It's effectively screwed up everything in my abdomen, and now it's screwing with my head. Come on, body. Let's get it together.
Feel better Maura. I pray that you will not be wracked with guilt. It's okay to focus on YOU. You are important. If you aren't okay then your kids and your family won't be either. Take the time to rest and try not to feel an ounce of guilt. After all, when your kids are sick, do they feel guilty because you're up with them all night, or they're not able to play with you like they usually would? You're gong to be okay and so will they. Blessings,
ReplyDeleteSyrone
Thanks, Syrone! Good point. They certainly don't feel bad about keeping me up all night. :) Lol.
ReplyDeleteInstead of guilt, feel loved that they miss you and want you around. It means you're doing something right. And be thankful that your husband CAN stay home from work, even during a busy week and that he is willing to. It's not always so simple.
ReplyDeleteI have a little different situation. My daughter has been "sick" most of her 8 months and it's been hard on my kids. In the past 17 days I have been gone 11 of them at hospitals with my little one-currently still not home. Talk about guilt...I have two in "homeschool" that haven't been schooled much since her birth and Mommy is home 24/7 and all of a sudden is gone...for days and days. Sitter after sitter. And, it's not likely to just be a one-time thing. It will be a years thing, possibly a life-time thing. So, your kids will be fine with a day or two. And I have to trust mine will be fine with the occasional week or two. They are pretty much like rubber and bounce back quickly. I assume God created it that way. So us moms can have bad days and weeks and still have that unconditional love and devotion. We need it. Hang in there! -Ashley
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