It Goes On

A big step happens today.

I'm going to call B and tell her I'd like to go to an as-needed basis, down from every two weeks. I'm kind of asking her to set me free, but not really. I still want to know she's there and that I can go if I need to, but I talked about it with George, and we both think I don't need to go in regularly anymore.

As with all big, happy admissions, I'm a little nervous to say it out loud, lest I wake up and it's not really true. Or, lest I wasn't actually dreaming, but it's a lie a week later. A little nervous.

But mostly joyful. :)

I know there are ways I need to take care of myself every day, or I'll be right back there again. I need to be at the gym--not stagnating, but constantly pushing forward, bumping up weights and stretching cardio just a little bit longer. I found that's important. Otherwise, I might as well not go. Truly. Hitting a rut in my workout actually has had that effect on me.

I need to eat right, and do it consistently. Starches and sugars, the way I've eaten them, are going to make me feel awful mentally and physically--both immediately and after they show up on my thighs. It's helpful to eat lots of fruit and lean protein like turkey, chicken, and small portions of almonds. I actually just read, also, that spinach is a good mood booster. I put some in my egg scramble this morning for breakfast. :) It's incredible how much eating right actually has an immediate impact on my mood.

I need to get enough sleep. Every night, it's 10:30. I'm doing badly with this right now, because I keep getting a second wind right at 10, and I start torpedo-cleaning. Well, that, or I find one of my favorite movies on TV (last night it was The Negotiator with Samuel L. Jackson. That one never gets old. Sigh). Anyway. I need to get that one together. Sleep makes a world of difference.

I need to make sure I'm getting sufficient time away from home by myself. In the past, I've waited until George says, "Honey, I think you need a break." So, I've kind of associated break-taking with my weakened state. What that means is that I tend to shy away from taking a breaks because my mind subconsciously tells me if I need one, that probably means I'm doing badly again. On the contrary, I do need them, sane or not. This is my full-time job, mothering. George comes home at 5:30 from his job and most days doesn't go back to it until 8 the next morning. I never leave my job, but I should from time to time, even though I'm fine. If I don't, I won't be.

Prayer and church needs to be a significant part of my life. And honestly, it hasn't been. We've had so much sickness and travel to deal with, we haven't been to church much in the past several weeks. I haven't prayed consistently since March. It needs to happen. God is The Healer, and even if He weren't interested in doing that for me, completely deserves my adoration, faulty as my adoration may be. Glory to Him. +

In all of this, I have learned that life, in its natural state, moves. If it ceases to move, though it's only in my mind, that's me shutting down. No matter what happens, I must keep the day, the kids, myself, my career, my goals in motion. That doesn't mean I think I should be busy all the time. But if I have a plan, if I know what I want next, life continues to move.

And it should.