So the latest news from B is that she thinks I'm stressed out about not being "into" my kids because I am either physically or mentally wrapped up in being a homemaker. Dishes to wash (with no dishwasher, fyi), laundry to run, 16 Easter-egg-hunt eggs to pick up off the floor--again.
The advice is to disengage from that, accept the mess to a degree, and allow myself time to enjoy my children.
Seriously, that was like one of those awful "would you rather...?" questions. You know. The ones that ask you if you'd rather be humiliated in front of 30,000 strangers or your brand new boss. Or if you'd rather be stuck in a car crossing the country with someone who farts or someone who smokes.
Here's the new one: get your kids to understand the very novel concept that you actually do love them (and starve everyone to death because your laundry pile has overtaken your fridge), or be a crappy mother but have their basic needs very well taken care of.
So I'm not really sure where to start. Today I didn't do very well. Today, my kids and husband had amazing meals. They had protein shakes and oatmeal for breakfast. They had turkey meatball sandwiches with roasted onions, red peppers, and zucchini for lunch. And then they had cabbage rolls for dinner. Today couldn't have been healthier, and seriously, we need more days to be like that. A lot more days. But I had maybe a total of an hour and a half with William. Nora, thanks to her age, got a lot more time than that. She can stand on a chair next to me while she tears up cabbage, and she's "helping." But I'm not sure she needs the time as much as my little guy. And what was I supposed to do? Make spaghetti?
*Side note* Apologies to spaghetti makers everywhere. I love spaghetti and if I weren't turning into Jabba the Hut, I would eat it every night for dinner. But really. For me, for all the members in my family, it's just enough with the carbs already.
Anyway, I can see the comments coming in--yes, yes, there's a middle ground between major meal cooking for 2 out of 3 meals...and spaghetti. Yeah, I know. But I usually cook either none or just one. And still. My head is way too busy with trying to get on top of things or just trying to stay on top of things.
I know now why celebrities who have families are so balanced and appear to be so down-to-earth. Don't let those feature articles in magazines fool you. Sure, they can say they do their own laundry. But it's because they pay someone to clean their freaking house twice a week, and they have a team of chefs cooking their meals according to some custom-made meal plan created by, like, Billy Blanks. Oh, and they have nannies. So, if I had my kids, my cleaning, my meals and consequently 60% of my healthy lifestyle taken care of, yeah. I think I could handle the laundry. And I think it would be a little easier to enjoy time with my kids. Can we please have an interview with a celebrity who's stressed out of her mind? Please? Or--oooh, oooh. I've got one. Let's get government-funded housekeepers, available to all who make under $45,000/yr. Yep. That's the one I'm going with.
I keep thinking that if I had a job, maybe we could afford some of those things. But, don't they cancel each other out? I mean, it's a nail-biter, this one between the kids and the mess. "Mess" won today, and I hate it, but I feel like it had to. Why would tomorrow be any different?
I want it to be. I just don't know how.
Not yet, anyway.
I have two meal tips for more time with the kids. If you have the freezer space... take an afternoon (Sundays work for us b/c hubby's home and can entertain the kids) I make dinner for the week... and freeze it. SO there are a few challenges to this, finding meals that can freeze well, without taking tons of room in the freezer. BUT If you can make your list, prepare all the food and freeze it. It's SO much easier to simply flip the stove on and throw a meal in the oven & now your prep time is 0 minutes instead of much of the afternoon...
ReplyDeleteSame goes for lunches. I make everyone's lunch the night before after I put the kids to bed. It only takes a couple minutes when there's no monkey's climbing my legs begging for attention, and then the following day is much simpler when I can pull a sushi roll out of the fridge & we all enjoy it without having to take the time to steam rice, prep the wrap, cut the avacado, etc. Simple sandwhiches & cut fruit are easy to store & make meal time much easier for a SAHM.
Another suggestion is to plan more crock pot meals, again, I cut my veggies/meat at night & then pop it in the crock pot in the morning... nothing like a great meal with little work. Invest in those crock pot liners, after dinner you just throw the liner away and the crock pot is ready for its next meal... no scrubbing requried.
After the kids go to bed is my hubby chat time, but we've gotten into the routine of chopping veggies/meat/fruit together & chatting about our day once the kids are in bed. It's healthy for us, gives us time together & he feels like he's chipping in with the meal stuff which can be stressful for me.
Sorry this was so long... but I had a mom give me this advice & it had made a world of difference in the stressful time consuming meal making part of my days! Hope it helps you too! Cheap tupperware, crock pot bags & precut food is a lifesaver!
i buy the skillet meals that you just throw in a pan and it cooks in about 20 minutes. they may not be the healthiest thing but it's better than chicken nuggets and less time consuming than cabbage rolls (i don't even know what those are). my house is always cluttered. not dirty but cluttered. about once a week i clear up the clutter while my husband is home watching the kids. or while they're sleeping. but it took me a while to let go of the appearance of my home and focus on what's more important. having a special needs child will do that to you. yes, we don't have visitors to our house, not that often anyway. and if they do come, and they have a problem with my messy house, well, screw them! and screw the world for creating this impossible image of perfection!
ReplyDeletei live in the real world. and the real world consists of my son wearing his winter jeans that i cut off to make shorts because it was hot and i didn't go summer shopping yet. my daughter with dirt under her finger nails. my countertop is barely visible sometimes. we eat frozen meals, scrambled eggs, and sandwiches for dinner all too often. i would love for my house to look like it came out of a magazine. but it doesn't. and that's okay with me.
the important things get done. when you reevaluate your life you will realize what's really important. or maybe you already have and eating healthy food is what's important to you. and that's fine. for me it's that my son gets to all his doctor and therapy appts. it's that my kids have significant relationships in their lives with friends and family. it's that they know we love them everyday. it's providing them social and educational opportunities when possible. my house may suffer because of it, but that's not an important value to me. if it is to you, that's fine. but if you are just caving to social pressures, then it's not.
eventually you will let it go. it takes time and sometimes i'm drawn into how those people with perfect houses and three kids do it. but i get over it. and i know in myself i am following my set of values and doing the best i can for me and my family. (and you matter too! not just your kids and house)
anyway, i wish you luck in deciphering what works for you.
and what is with the word "homemaker"? ugh. gag me! lol.
ReplyDeletemy word for the situation is "triage" Today Zeke is wearing his pj shirt because I have no clean shirts for him.....laundry will happen at some point. I just go with what is important for the day and that is ok.
ReplyDeleteOkay, thanks for that validation, guys! My kids are actually both in their PJs at 1:30 pm because I'm so behind on the laundry. I'm there with you, Jenn! :)
ReplyDeleteYeah. I don't like the word homemaker either. I just didn't know what other word to use in that sentence. Oh well.
And Jess, holy moly. What great ideas. I was always worried that doing prep work in the evenings would take time from my husband, but that's a wonderful combination of the two. I think we'll definitely try that. And maybe break open a bottle of wine while we do the chopping, yes? On second thought, maybe we'll drink the wine after we use the knives.
Anyway, these comments give me a really good head start. Thanks so much!
Yay! I'm so glad you're encouraged! (And while we are not classy wine people, we often have a Bud Light & Mikes Hard Cranberry Lemonade on the counter while chopping... living on the edge baby.) ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, and some frozen meal ideas:
ReplyDeleteVeggie Lasagna freezes well, I usually make 2 8x8 pans of it so this actually makes 2 full dinners.
Enchiladas freeze well, I grill up a couple of chicken breasts & shred them once they've cooled to put in the enchiladas.
The other chicken breasts from the pack go into a chicken/stuffing/broccoli casserole that is uber yummy. Just put the drystuffing mix & a bag of frozen brocoli in a pan, lay the uncooked chicken on top, pour about 2 cups of chicken broth over the whole mess & pop in the oven for an hour at 350... super easy & delicious. :)
Sushi rolls can be made the night before for easy healthy lunches, Turkey & ceasar wraps are also easy made-the-day-before lunches. Get all your fruit out when you're making the meals and slice & dice. I put them all in baggies (I love the snack size baggies) perfect servings for toddlers. Sit them up at the table, hand them a baggie of already chopped fruit & bam. Easy snack/lunch addition. We're huge melon fans in my house so whenever the farmers market has watermelons, cantelope or honeydew melons I stock up, go straight home, chop chop chop, put them all in baggies and I'm ready for a week of yummy munching!