Sweet Dreams

We have cable.

This may not sound like news, but it is. It's like going from being Amish to Steve Jobs in a minute and a half. We had nothing, no connection to American Idol or the Cavs or the Weather Channel, and then...we did. I'm not gonna lie. I watched TV all evening, and it rocked. Don't freak out--I'm never doing it again. But man. I had me a good couch-potato-time tonight.

So my eyes were opened to a whole new world tonight, particularly the world of "Glee." Wow. I do think that the fashion world could stand a return to short hair, because I could do without a lot of the hair flipping going on in that show. I mean, if I emailed the writers of the show and told them, please have your actresses flip their hair 60% less often, and they humored me, I think we'd still be seeing a noticeable amount of flipping. It might be because they're doing so much running and chasing and looking at each other and sauntering through the hallways as they do their little numbers. I'm not sure. But that music kicks butt. So. I have a date next Tuesday.

I also discovered the show on MTV called "16 and Pregnant." Another wow. I'm pretty sure this should be required watching for high schoolers. It was interesting listening to these teen moms talk, because, although I have significantly less drama in my life, I could weirdly relate. The whole, "what did I do?" The "I feel like I'm in prison." The acting out to escape their lives as it is (I don't act out, but I can see why people--especially kids--do). The tears. And yet the deep, devastating love for their kids. I get it. One girl ended up giving up the baby for adoption. I remember when I'd just found out I was pregnant with Nora. I'd only been married for five weeks and didn't have a job in my new city yet. We were living in a freaking dorm. I just couldn't think anything other than, I can't have a baby right now.

When I remembered feeling like that, I had this moment in which I realized I would have given up Nora. I have audibly gasped whenever those words have passed through my mind tonight. It's just so inconceivable. She looks like me. She's got her dad's toes, for heavens' sake. She makes families out of spears of asparagus and Elmo stickers, and tells everyone who'll listen how she "peeded" in the potty. Her perfect, pure face when she looks at me...I'm just...I'm just so grateful that she made her way into our lives. Despite how little control I felt I had over my life at the time we found out about her, I'm just grateful.

In fact, what I really want to do right now is curl up next to her in her bed and just hold her for a while. I'd fall asleep, though, and George would come home from his guy-time and would probably think that I walked out the front door or something.

So, Nora, tonight, I hold you in my heart. In my dreams, you are oh-so-close, and you know exactly how much I love you. I would give you any limb of your choosing if it meant you could feel my love to the same extent I do.

Night night, sleep tight.