I'm doing an awful job at posting. My apologies.
So. News on the job front. In almost three weeks, I have applied for...guess how many jobs? 30? 18? 17.5? Drumroll please...
One. That's right. One.
This is not easy, trying to figure out how to say "I have really great communication skills" using an action word at the front of the sentence, while yelling downstairs to my wailing child, "I'll be down in a minute, Nora, I told you!"
Anyway, I'm struggling to get this done, and it's making me nervous. The job I was working on applying to last night disappeared. I spent about an hour and a half overhauling my resume to make it specific for this one position, and apparently, I made the mistake of checking it against my notes instead of the actual link to the job description. Because, an hour and a half later when I went to check the link, it was gone. That's half an evening I'll never get back.
The good news: I did find one new lead. So I'm focusing on that during naptime today to make sure it gets done, and I don't miss my bus on that one, too.
Oh, and guess what else? We're starting to notice a disturbing number of symptoms in William linked to autism. Ugh. The good news here is that we're already hooked up with First Steps, which is a non-profit org that deals with developmental delays in infants and toddlers. I just got a message from our account specialist, so as soon as I talk to her (hopefully sometime today), we can talk about requesting a more specific evaluation--one that will test him for autism. So. It could be worse. We could be noticing the problem and have nowhere to go for it. I am actually encouraged by that. I'm just...nervous.
So, that's where I am today. Nervous. What if I can't find a job? What if my son is autistic? What if I'm a big blubbering mess of nastiness and am going to be like that forever? What if I never get through depression? What if it gets me?
Okay. Forget nervous. I'm scared.
There is actually very good treatment available for autism (applied behavioral analysis). It's not a cure, but it works to build up some of the skills that are missing in autism.
ReplyDeleteAnd as someone who's done the job search thing for the last year and a half, I hear ya. It's awful.
-Russell
Courage, friend. This is hard and sucky and I'm here for you and you can do it. You're not alone.
ReplyDelete*holds sign* "GO M!"
Love you.
As my daddy always says (and I always hated to hear) "This too shall pass." I'm so sorry you're having a rough time with the job searching! And sweet William will be okay mama... he will. There is so much available to autistic kids these days that even if they find he has it... he will be okay. Hang in their, so many people love you guys and are rooting for you girl! Try to remember this isn't your future... this is only a moment that will pass before you know it!
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry you are having concerns about william. like other people have said there are so many resources available for kids with autism. BUT, i know how devasting that can be. even if he doesn't have autism, just realizing that something is going on that may be different from the norm is hard enough to take. my son has special needs, some of which are similar to autism. one psychologist actually diagnosed him with high functioning autism. he does have some autistic traits but not enough to qualify for the diagnosis. he has bipolar instead. both are life-changing, life-long, and incredibly difficult to parent.
ReplyDeletebut there is hope. it's something i am still learning about. and still struggling with. me and God have some serious conversations sometimes. if william has autism, or any developmental issue, you will learn far more about life than you ever thought possible. you will grow in ways you can't even imagine. yes it will be hard. BUT...
there are good things about parenting a special needs child. life takes on new meaning. you recognize the smaller accomplishments and delight in those. your priorities change dramatically but it can be refreshing. insignificant things other people worry about will make you smile in comparison to what's really important. your life will be harder but richer, and with more depth.
anyway, if you are looking for support i am very adept at finding online resources regarding parenting special needs kids. i can also direct you to some autism blogs. if you just need someone to talk to, believe me, i understand. you can email me at j_riccardi@yahoo.com.
Amazing comments, friends. Thank you so much. What an encouragement to me today! Next meeting with First Steps is on Friday. So. *clears throat* *pushes hair back* Here we go.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend in Church who has an autistic child...he's now 10 or so and doing ok. It's not the end of the world, just a new way of looking at things..... her blog is http://mykidissupercool.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteM,
ReplyDeleteJust a reminder... you do have a full-time job that limits your time for looking for another job. :-) And unlike we were "young" with no responsibilities, you have to be more picky about what you choose. The process may take some time, but you will find the right place to be, at the right time.
My prayers and thoughts are with you!