The rainbow I've been praying for

I am really encouraged today by two things.

#1: Your comments. Thank you all so, so much for your comments on my last post. Really good ideas, really good thoughts, really good empathy. I appreciated every word, and after reading them, sorta feel like I can definitely do this.

#2: Our first actual therapy session with First Steps. William's developmental therapist called last minute to let me know she'd be in my area this morning, wondered if we could set up our first visit. So, we unexpectedly had his first session, and it went swimmingly. Beautiful. He was so good. And I saw him act in ways I'd never seen him act before. Usually, when he's overstimulated and nervous, he just leaves. He finds a way to get a space all to himself. Today, when it got to be a little too much for him, he crawled up in my lap and buried his head in my shoulder, then looked up at me and smiled a little. *clutching heart* We probably won't know about autism for a year or more (probably much more, actually), but for now, I have that really good moment with him on my lap.

Okay. I guess it's not just two things that are good today. Here's more:

#3: I'm doing laundry. That probably isn't typically a thing that makes a person feel good, but I'll tell ya, it feels better than looking at Mt. St. Helens erupting in my laundry room.

#4: AAAAH! THIS WEATHER FREAKING ROCKS!

#5: I'm having moments today during which I actually feel like I'm a good, loving, attentive mom. I haven't felt like that much lately.

#6: I slept through my workout today, and was quite devastated to wake up at 7. Why does it feel good to be devastated, you ask? Because I had actually wanted to go work out at 6. It felt weird and out-of-the-ordinary for me. That's good! And I get to go to the gym the minute George gets off work.

It may seem a little manic, but I get really excited on my "up" days. I'm just so...(sigh)...happy to have them. You know, depression makes you really, really thankful for those days.