Happy birthday

Today is a very special day for me. It marks a day I'm very proud of, and the beginning of a relationship with one of the most wonderful people I know.

Happy 3rd birthday, sweet Nora.

I remember so many great things about that day. I remember waking up at 5 am with that first contraction, thinking, thank God. You're a week early. I remember watching labor progress much more quickly than we ever thought, and I remember seeing it for what it was, and Daddy wouldn't believe that it was, in fact, moving as fast as it was. He kept saying "oh, you're fine." We were lucky to get to the hospital when we did! But nonetheless, I am very proud of bringing you into the world unmedicated, and very proud of how encouraging your daddy was through the whole process. We worked hard together, and then there was you.

Once you'd been here a few weeks, I was anything but unmedicated, but I was fine with that. What was most important to me was that you felt loved by your mommy. Someday you may come to understand that I was very sick during that time, but I hope you never think it had anything to do with you. In fact, you were the only thing I could feel anything toward sometimes. I felt these flooding waves of deep love for you, who I barely knew. And I was so desperate to keep you safe and well. I hoped that you would be able to define your life by a feeling of love, safe spaces, trust, and anything else that's good. I wasn't stupid; I knew disappointment and hurt would someday come your way. I still dread the day I see hurt in your eyes, in fact. But, that day three years ago, I was overwhelmed with the hope that you would feel more love than hurt in your days on this earth.

No matter what happens to me, no matter how sick I get, I will always love you more than my own limbs, and no matter what, I'll do whatever it takes to provide what's best for you. That's how amazing you are. I can't help myself.