No "I" in Team

My lovely husband gave me the day off on Saturday, and I think it nearly drove him off the edge. He says they had a good time, and I believe him, but also--nobody understands better than I do the effect 8 straight hours as the sole caregiver can have on a person's ability to cope. He's been in some kind of exhausted can't-handle-these-kids kind of mood ever since.

I don't like it when that happens. My initial reaction is, unfortunately, almost always something like this: "Okay, seriously? What you did once, I do every day. And it throws you off that bad?!" I know it's not fair, but I find myself thinking he doesn't have the right to live one day in the life of me and the kids and then say to me, "Hold him, will you? I can't handle this." It makes me want to shake him and say, "No! If I can do this, and do it while battling depression, you can hold him and figure out a way to dodge his headbutting while getting the diaper bag out of the car and telling Nora to get back here and stop running toward the road. I had to. Why shouldn't you?"

I also know that's not what a partnership is about. There is no place for "I want to see you suffer; I want you to hurt like I do" in a marriage. I'm just saying that this is how motherhood feels to me sometimes, and it can be a struggle to redirect your mind. I know that we're both, at times, operating from that short-fuse place. Yes, it's for different reasons. Very different reasons. But the end result is much the same: Would you hold him, please?

It did feel good, actually, to cover for him for once. I do want to be for him what he's been for me these past three years. And I hope him being back at work today can kind of re-set things. I know being at work won't refresh a person, necessarily, but at least wearing a different hat can put your mind somewhere else for a while. I'm hoping that helps enough to bring his mood up a little.

It might be the right day to sign up for some massages.